FYF Series: The Funniest Stories

If you think you’ve seen or experienced some funny stuff in KR, trust me, it’s nothing compared to what some of our FYFs have. Today we’ll be hearing from 5 of our dearest FYFs, as they recount some of their funniest personal memories.

Jacob, A Block:

Well in all honesty, I don’t have any one particular story to recount, but I guess I’ll take a trip down memory lane to when I was a freshman. I’m sure most people experience this, entering a new environment filled with people your age, you kinda get a little caught up having too much fun. Relatable? Hopefully.

Back then there was a game played in A Block called Pink Vs Blue, basically pitting the males against females in a prank war. You could run, but if the ratio was 4:1, you had to take whatever was coming. You could opt out, but you had to have a valid reason (i.e Midterms). Fast-forward to the last week of the supposed ‘war’, nothing of note had occurred. So my square and I, who were all freshmen, decided something had to be done. We ended up taking one side of every pair of slippers from every female room and stringing it from the 6th floor of A Block to the 6th floor of Block A in Sheares. Only way to get them back? You guessed it: cut the twine. -Cue a whole lot of anger-

We didn’t know it then, but that was the start of an eventful journey. Some time passed, things got boring. But before we proceed any further, I would like to thank in advance the upcoming character Bernardus, for being such a sport and taking everything in his stride. Bern was a much more animated person back then, and I guess that made him stand out a little easier. (Gosh don’t we sound like a bunch of bullies). One day we decided to tape his room up so he’d have a pleasant surprise the next morning. Bern maintains he did not walk into the tape as we planned, but one can only take him at his word.

Another bit of time passed and Bern stuck to his old ways, so we felt the time was ripe for Round 2. This time, Bern happened to walk in on our steamboat and happily helped himself to our food. So we froze his wallet in a pot of water. Oh I can see it already, those judging eyes. But before you label us, we sealed his wallet in a ziplock bag, and provided clues which eventually led him to the freezer. How considerate!

Next, we were very close to an FYF then, who shall remain unnamed, and his top boast was always about how much he could drink. You see, in life, you have to learn to put your money where your mouth is. So we made a trip down to Liquid Buffet (if you know, you know) with the aim of knocking him out stone cold. Did we succeed? Don’t even know why you bothered asking. Two of us were made responsible for a semi-conscious FYF, while three of us went back to KR to grab his bed. That’s right, we brought his bed to UTown Green where all of us reconvened to put a very tired FYF to sleep. Sweeter dreams had never been had before that night.

Oh there’s more. After IHG closing, some genius brought back an airhorn used to set the races off. As Uncle Ben said, with great power comes great responsibility. How could we let it go to waste? All that was missing was a target. In the end it was a friend from the 4th floor whom the honour was bestowed upon. As we could see his room light from the 2nd floor, we waited patiently till 3am when his lights finally went off, and an additional half an hour after to ensure a deep sleep. On hindsight, sounding the airhorn in the dead of the night to rouse someone from their sleep sounds great in theory, but in practice, you tend to get a lot of collateral damage. Well, when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. When life gives you an airhorn, you make noise. Simple as that.

Unfortunately, we have come to the end of this story, as the brightest stars burn out the fastest. Or in our case, smothered to death by wet blankets. Anyway, if you’re looking for a moral to this story, I’m sorry to disappoint. Point is, enjoy yourself, do what you want, make this place yours, and you’ll leave with nothing but great memories. Yours truly.

Jeramyn, B Block:

In Year 1, my block comm pulled a prank on the block on April 1st 2017. We decided to stage a fake "coup" to remove our block head from his position. OK in our defence it was funny from our point of view HAHAHA. Basically the block head asked in the block chat "Guys did anyone take my laundry? I can't find it" at 4am. And then next morning by 7am, the rest of the block would find his clothes all over the block. We made an effort to go around each floor to throw some clothes (that he didn't want) out of the lift and pin his block IBG shirt to the notice board. Next to it, there was a petition to remove him from his position and an angry letter which stated the reasons why he should be removed. We pasted this letter all over the block at 5am - in the lift, toilets, staircase, everywhere anyone would walk. But we limited this to within the block so hopefully it wouldn't blow up too big hahahahaha. So during the day, said block head would say "guys can I see the block tonight at choir room at 9pm. Those who cannot make it pm me." We thought the block would believe that it was gonna be a serious talk about the culprit and we wanted to prepare a surprise block supper (a sushi-making activity) for them. But we couldn't use B Blk kitchen so we used E Blk kitchen instead. Everything was super funny to us and we were happily preparing block supper, making sushi and preparing everything. But things took a turn suddenly. 1 female Y2 came to the E block kitchen and said "so you're here...?" and she peeked out of the kitchen. Then another female Y2, outside the kitchen, shouted "**** y'all la. It's not funny OK." dundundunnnn!!! So basically we had to explain to the block very awkwardly that we pranked the block... And we had a rather silent block supper..... Luckily we bought salmon and unagi instead of cucumber.

Yin Jia, C Block:

The funniest thing that happened to me was probably the time I left my room door open when I went for class and then a random bird decided to pay my room a visit... according to the eye-witness, Rui, the bird casually flew around and shat on my table and the edge of my bed :/ on the bright side, the combination of the turning ceiling fan and flying bird in that small space, very luckily, did not create a blood bath in my room…

Pei Ling, D Block:

This is actually not a funny story. It is a tragedy. However, for the purposes of this KReporters article, I shall rehash this painful memory for the entertainment of all you readers. Flashback to when I was an innocent Year 2 in KR. The hall had recently installed new washing machines where you had to pay using laundry coins (another tragedy!!! Laundry used to be free in KR). Together with my lovely neighbours, I took my laundry basket down to do our laundry together. In my basket, I piled my dirty clothes, detergent, softener, phone, water bottle (to refill at the first floor pantry), and wallet (to buy the stupid laundry coins). We had a lovely time chatting and laughing as we made our way down to the laundry room and put our clothes in the washing machine. We added generous amounts of detergent and softener and inserted the laundry coins to start the washing process. We continued our lovely conversation as we slowly made our way back to our lovely rooms with my lovely detergent, softener, water bottle, and wallet. SUDDENLY, THE LOVELY TIMES STOPPED AS TRAGEDY STRUCK! Everyone: Arrives at respective rooms Me: “Where’s my phone” Everyone else: no answer Me: “wHerES mY pHOnE” Me: “****” We hurriedly made our way back down to the nasty laundry room, taking the stairs. THE STAIRS! When we arrived, the new and efficient washing machine was happily churning away. My phone was nowhere to be seen. I lifted the lid of the washing machine and my phone was swimming amongst everyone’s dirty clothes. I picked it up. It was soapy. SOAPY!!! A million thoughts raced through my mind. What should I do now? Should I put it in a bag of rice? Should I rinse off the soap?? Should I dry it with a hairdryer?? SHOULD I PUT IT IN THE DRYER??? Wisely, I went with the bag of rice option. After a week in the Intensive Rice Unit (I placed it on my bed shelf so that I could be close to it in its time of need) and heartfelt care (I tenderly shook the bag of rice every night so that my phone could be exposed to new grains that would absorb more water) my phone did not make it. Obviously, there was no way to save my phone. I had paid $1 to kill it in the washing machine. I hope this story serves as a lesson to all new Kent Ridgeans out there. The laundry room is a dangerous place. Please be careful in there.

Joel Chris, E Block:

There was one Wednesday night back when I was in Year 1, one of my floormates suddenly called everyone he could see along the corridors to the railing by the 2nd floor toilet. He seemed so excited and he was half-whispering, half-shouting "faster faster". Lo and behold, there was a girl who was dressed in a “shocking lack of clothing” at the backgate, swung over the shoulders of this guy as he carried her back... Nobody knows what happened to her missing clothes, who they were, or what they did as they disappeared into the horizon -- could have been Bene though, heard he's pretty experienced when it comes these things.

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Kent Ridge Hall Reporters 2019